Allotment Picks Mixed

One of the first tangible casualties of the credit crunch was the sudden collapse of Woolies. I say "tangible" as the first actual casualties were the banks themselves, ie they who caused the whole mess in first place. They are too virtual to receive the "tangible" epithet - what do they make for goodness sake? Apart from all of us sick!

The tragic loss of Woolies saw the end of that great institution within a great institution, I am of course referring to Pick 'N' Mix. This loss created a vacuum in the sweet retailing market, which as my 'O' level physics tells me, a vacuum will inevitable be filled just as night follows day. This has now happened and the new generically titled Pick N Mix sweet retail sub-sector has, overnight, organically created itself. A truly natural Darwinistic response if ever I saw one.

Now, each day as I walk through the concourse of Leeds Railway Station I am presented with a confectionery stall displaying every possible colour of the visible electromagnetic spectrum. You know the ones - red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue etc...This gaudy array markets itself as "You Can Mix". Obviously, as I'm sure they'd like to, they are not permitted to use "Pick N Mix" as their business name as this moniker is still owned by Woolworth.co.uk, the Woolies reincarnation vehicle.

How do you pick n mix online? I've always enjoyed pick n mix as a physically interactive kind of pursuit, rather than a virtual experience. I do accept, however, that I should move with the times and accept that virtually everything in the world has now become virtual. I must admit that if I was setting up a business to exploit the pick n mix vacuum I'm not sure I would choose "You Can Mix" as the draw. I would like to think that I could come up with something that not only captures the essence of the customer proposition, but is also a quirky and creative call to action. How about "Mix Your Picks" or even "Choose Your Mix" - OK! OK! they're not much better - back off!

Anyway, I realised that the ultimate God given pick n mix experience has to be down on your allotment. I've just enjoyed one of my most bountiful cropping experiences this Summer and Autumn. In one visit I was able to return home with strawberries, raspberries, blackcurrants, courgettes, beetroot, french beans, and rhubarb - just to name seven. This is life enhancing fodder, rather than teeth rotting bother.

So as you spend the impending long winter evenings lamenting how the pick n mix market has become disparate and is lacking a clear focus, can I suggest that you just let it go and move on. Turn to your vegetable plot as in the end, that is your true mix.

The English Spirit and Allotmenting

During one of my idle perusals in the gardening section of my local bookshop I came across a very enlightened tome. One that not only helps you to produce perfect vegetables in large volumes, but also recognises that most of us are not in a position to dedicate every working minute of our leisure time to allotmenting - mainly because we just don’t want to. The old adage “too much work and not enough play, makes Jack a dull boy” applies equally to your leisure pursuits just as much as to work itself. This is easily proved by observing your colleague sat at the next desk. His three main interests are golf, golf and...yes...golf. We’ve all been bored by this person at some stage in our lives.

The book I flicked through advocates spending five half hour sessions per week at the allotment. If you prefer some other variation, such as 2 ½ hours spent on a Saturday morning as I do, then this is fine.

Now I suspect that many allotmentors don’t need a book to tell them that time is scarce and that it is difficult to keep up to the demands of a rampant allotment raging ahead at the height of the growing season. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that it is this that can dishearten many of the most dedicated of allotmentors. I’m not in receipt of the latest government statistics, but from observing my own patch, the failure rate amongst allotmentors is quite high and certainly much higher than it needs to be. Partial failure, by my definition, is spending the summer presiding over an Amazonian jungle of a plot. Outright failure is where your allotment looks so neglected that you receive an eviction order from the local council.

But why does this happen?

I blame the old codgers. I really do. There’s a whole army of retired individuals out there who dedicate their every waking hour to their veg plots. It’s like arriving at the Chelsea Flower Show as you walk past some of them. Many of these allotments are pruned and preened as if they have nothing better to do all day. They don't have anything better to do all day - those lucky people. This retired army of paper shufflers are dedicated to the point of obsessiveness, and they have all day long to hone their horticultural pursuit. However, this level of perfection can have a profound effect on the lay allotmentors morale. As you glance at these works of art en route to your allotment, and then observe your own weed infested quagmire - you missed last week’s session due to the incessant rain, you tend to question why you go on. My advice to fellow waverers is to resist the temptation to be caught up in the desire for perfection, at least with your allotment. Your new car may be perfect; your new kitchen may be perfect; but your allotment is not, and never will be.

It’s all about optimising your time and being clear about your priorities for each visit. If you are only able to cultivate half of your allotment, then so be it and allow the uncultivated half to become an overgrown eyesore. Okay so you'll give your neighbour a few weed seeds in the breeze from your plot, but you won’t be the only weed seed supplier in the area, and they are unlikely to confront you about it.

Having said that, my allotment secretary once called me up and asked me to clear the dandelions on my plot so there are some sensitivities that don’t always remain hidden. Anyway, your neighbour is bound to have some of their own home grown weeds on their plot, so they will be far from perfect. I feel a new adage coming on, “he who has weed free allotment shall cast the first curse”, or something like that.

I tend to target specific areas of my plot for my visits. For instance, if the weediest area is the asparagus, then concentrate on that. Obviously, there will be other weedy areas but leave them until next week. One technique to make the allotment look tidier is to go around the whole allotment taking out the largest weeds. It is amazing how some can disguise themselves amongst the legitimate foliage, particularly around potatoes.

So at the end of your shift you may think that the allotment hasn’t improved that much, but at least you have a pile of weeds to prove that you have done something.

Fibonacci Allotment

Fibonacci.

Yeah that's right - it's that Italian chef who mentored Jamie Oliver. Wrong! That was Antonio Carluccio.

No, no don't tell me, it's Italian for "small white lie"? Good try. Again, incorrect, that is "piccola bugia bianca".

OK right, I've got it, it's so obvious, it's that famous Operatic composer - you know the one? No, I don't know the one, and anyway he's called Puccini.

Opera singer anyone? Again no, thinking of Pavarotti are we?

OK, one last try? How about that flamboyant American pianist from the 60s and 70s? Yes, you have failed miserably, and that was Liberace!

It's obvious that you are not going to get this, so I'll ease you in gently. Let's start with a simple number sequence: 1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34,55,89... These numbers could go on and on, but I'll stop here.

Those of you who have read some decent pulp fiction in recent years will now have something nagging in the back of your brain - yes you have seen those numbers before! They appear in the opening paragraphs of Dan Brown's 'Da Vinci Code'.

You may have spotted that the number sequence builds by adding the two previous numbers, eg 34 comes from adding the previous 13 and 21. This, of course, is not rocket science and probably borders on pseudo science. Anyway, "so what" I hear you sigh. Well it is probably this very number sequence that has given you the physiological and cognitive wherewithal to actually make that sigh. This sequence is a poor man's DNA, but one that can be observed in your allotment rather than via an electron microscope.

So what is this all about? Well, unfortunately we still need a little bit more maths and then we can go to the reveal. If we divide any of the numbers in the series into the number immediately on its right, we gradually get closer to the "golden ratio" of 1.61803...recurring. Let me demonstrate: 5/3 = 1.667, but further up the series using the bigger numbers you get: 55/34 = 1.617, ie gradually getting closer to 1.61803.

Right you are now ready to enter the inner sanctum of sacred knowledge. Or, you can simply Google Fibonacci and do your own navigating.

Actually, before we carry on, you should have at least a small amount history just to complete the picture. The Fibonacci sequence of numbers was first known about in ancient India in about 200 BC, although it wasn't known as Fibonacci at that time as Italian hadn't been invented. The sequence was first studied in the West by Leonardo of Pisa, better known to his mates as Fibonacci - what a nickname!

Incidentally it was Fibonacci who first introduced Arabic numerals to Europe via his weighty tome called Liber Abaci in 1202 (The Book of Abacus). This came about when he was studying trade with the Arabs while living in North Africa. Not a lot of people know that!

The point about this number sequence is that they crop up in nature quite alot. For instance, flowers predominantly have a Fibonacci amount of petals, usually 3, 5, 8 or 13. Also, the "golden ratio" lends itself to being plotted as a spiral and it is this spiral that can be observed in cauliflowers and pineapples, amongst other vegetables and fruits.

I've attached a couple of websites which illustrates this numerically sequentious universe. This world will accommodate the most extreme of geeks, but beware as you may find yourself transfixed.

http://www.mathsisfun.com/numbers/nature-golden-ratio-fibonacci.html

http://library.thinkquest.org/27890/applications5.html

Stay tuned. Next week I'll be covering the life of pi.