Scorn of the Cob

I recently had cause to almost fall of my perch. Of all the fruit and vegetables growing on my allotment I feel most proud of my sweetcorn.

Actually, before I carry on, in keeping with the tradition of bringing up children, it is very unwise to have favourites with your fruit and veg. Having a favourite means that the rest must be further down the food chain, which means that they could be subjected to unintentional neglect. For instance you might end up weeding around the orphans less often than the favourites and the local slugs and snails are very sensitive to this. As soon as they spot the slightest hint of neglect they will swoop and start chomping away, so it is good practice to care for your charges in equal measure.

Now back to the cobs. I find sweetcorn to have such magisterial presence as they stand in all their pomp bulging with the fruits of their labour. I grow mine from seed in pots in the house and once the shoots are a couple of inches tall I transfer them out onto the patio to get weather hardened and to stop them getting too leggy. Once they are about six inches tall I transfer them down to the allotment. I usually grow about twelve plants, and arrange them in a 3x4 block so that they can cross pollinate each other in the breeze. I've always regarded sweetcorn as being the height of sophistication and a very classy vegetable in which to indulge oneself.

So, I was astounded when I came across a reader's letter in the Times' etiquette column recently. The questioner asked for advise on the polite way to eat sweetcorn. The Times replied by saying that, although delicious, sweetcorn is not a polite vegetable and is peasants' food. This was supported by claiming that it is seldom served by Her Majesty at state banquets. The practical eating advice given was to seize the cob at both ends and to gnaw away, trying not to blunderbuss all and sundry with flying seeds. It suggested that those tiny forks you can insert in either end are twee and a vain attempt to gentrify an ungentle food.

Well how very dare they? Do these people not realise that Rupert Murdoch eats sweetcorn...well he might do. Does this mean that not only I, but millions of the hoi polloi up and down the country who are eating freshly grown sweetcorn at the peak of its season (ie right now) are peasants? Well if so, then so be it, but surely those who scorn this regal veg are the true peasants?

However, I must say, it is rarely found on restaurant menus and I suspect that the bestial way in which you have to consume it may be rather off putting to the other fine diners. Anyway, who cares what others think. If you like it, then eat it, and submit to your innate peasantry.