Sub Prime Allotment

The securitisation of allotment tenancies - could this happen?

Let me explain. You wait ten years to finally get your allotment, realise that after six back breaking weeks it's a mugs game, and that yet again you have been seduced by that bitter chasm between TV imagery and life's harsh realities. But hang on, you own the lease on a highly sought after commodity, and people are queueing in their droves for allotments. Why just hand it back to the local council as all they'll do is give it to some other bewildered schmuck who doesn't know the meaning of hard agricultural labour.

Why not sell it? Try putting it on eBay. You're bound to get a bid from some rich American. Prime agricultural land in overpopulated UK, he's sure to get planning permission to build a block of studio apartments for this nation of singles. In fact he might buy the leases from the neighbouring plots. He could then build a shopping mall, hotel and retail units. This is capitalism in full flow. Ask Donald Trump, but don't mention Aberdeenshire or golf.

Thankfully this can't happen. There is allotment legislation to prevent it. Allotmenting seems to exist, nay thrive, outside of the capitalist model. You can grow cheap organic food, get a hint of what life was like before the industrial revolution, and it's all very trendy.

At 60p per week rent I don't think the allotmenting world is likely to suffer a sub prime credit crunch. I'm glad to report that the communist ethic is alive and well and the workers continue to control their means of food production.

The Marxist legacy lives on!

Spicy Soup

My eighteen year old daughter is ecstatic about the return of the Spice Girls. This sorrowful quintet of former destitutes really do need the work and the money. Let's face it they must be down to their last £20million.

Looking at the flawed five does make me wonder which varieties of vegetables they could be morphed into. Here's my suggestions, but please feel free to join in at home and let me have your suggestions:

Posh - long thin stick of celery - obviously!

Ginger - carrot - the only ginger vegetable I can think of.

Scary - chilies - frighteningly hot.

Baby - baby beetroot - youthful.

Sporty - rhubarb - strictly a vegetable, which passes through you very quickly.

Now, if you mix this motley collection of ingredients together you end up with a very tasty soup, with a bit of fire built in. But this surely confirms what we (and they) have known all along. They are all pretty bland on their own, but adding them together you get a sumptuous winter warmer. No Spice Girl is an island, although I think most of us would like to confine them to one. Alcatraz for instance.

We should remember, however, that soup is usually served as a starter. It is rarely offered as the main event, so how have the sleazy cinq managed to get away with it all these years?

Is Gordon Ramsey involved?